Rage Against My Religion

I think I might have a rage problem. Its not the type that you would expect however. Most people have road rage, domestic rage, primal rage. I have Jesus rage, and let me clarify, I am not mad at Jesus himself, I am mad at the crap people sell in his name. It is a problem I didn’t realize until this Christmas. My mom sent me a big box of presents and I was pretty excited about opening them. I figured I had given her a pretty good list, I ought to get some good stuff. But then I started opening the presents. The first present was in the shape of a CD. I figured, sweet, my mom got me one of the CDs I asked for. Nope. It was a Stephen Curtis Chapman Christmas album. If you are not familiar with his music, he is a Christian pop artist, or something. Come on, Mom, I asked for Audioslave! This ignited the rage, which was still small at this time. The next present looked promising, but, ohp…nope…a nativity scene set. What am I going to do with this? Christmas is over. Not that I would have set it up anyways. My studio apartment is full of empty beer cans, there’s no room for the baby Jesus. This added a few more large logs onto my rage fire. Well, the rest of my presents must be the good ones, right? Nope. I got a book on the birth of the baby Jesus. No not the Bible, some guys revamped interpretation of Christmas. Awesome. This would be a great gift for like an old lady, but what am I gonna do with it? I guess it goes in the pile of Jesus books I have received as gifts from earlier holidays.

Ok. I have to get something off my chest here. Jesus books are horrible gifts, unless you’re being confirmed into the church or baptized, which in these church related cases, I could understand. But for graduation and birthdays and such. No. Here is why. All the religious books that I have received, besides the Bible, are just some other Christian’s interpretation of how they think I should live. Sorry, but I have little respect for the opinions of some anonymous Christian who decided to write a book. What the hell do they know about Jesus, that I already don’t? Granted, I have never read the Bible, but if I wanted to know more about Jesus, it would be the first place I would look. Not some right wing Christian conservative who insults the intelligence of all church going people by forcing their children to learn about the “intelligent designer,” instead of real science. That’s the real beef that I have with organized Christianity is that it insults my intelligence to associate myself with people who can believe something so backwards and ridiculous. That’s what sucks. ‘Cause I’m not an atheist. But I also won’t believe whatever these crazy church people tell me to. They are screwing with their own kids and pretty much purposely giving them a learning disability by teaching them something that is closer related to complete make-believe than any kind of science. And the more we learn about the leading Christians, the harder it is to be associated with them. Like that one guy, Tim Haggard or whoever, who just got busted for buying meth and soliciting sex from a male prostitute? I don’t care who you are, that is way fucked up, especially when you are supposed to be setting an example for people who look to you for leadership. Not that I ever looked to this guy for any kind of guidance, but many people take their Christian leaders very seriously.

Sorry, I got completely off topic there. But I needed to say it. So anyways. Don’t send me anymore Jesus gifts for Christmas, please. It makes me mad.

Christmas Shopping Sucks

For many people, Christmas shopping is a yearly pain in the ass. I am no different from other people in this aspect of my life. Like everyone else I wait until the last minute, then on Christmas Eve I rush out to Wal-Mart and buy everyone on my list gifts in one frantic shopping spree. Of course by this time most of the good gifts are sold out, so I end up having to settle for bags of Christmas candy as a suitable gift. Everyone likes candy, right? Its fail proof and it takes zero thought. I remember one year I was so broke, that I had no other choice than to buy my whole family gifts on like 20 bucks. I felt pretty bad, but I realized that my family doesn’t expect much from their gifts from me, so that made it a little better. Nowadays though, my family doesn’t even give me a clue what they want. “Me? Uh…Gee, I dunno. Get me something nice.” Sweet. To let you know, I am terrible at coming up with gifts for people when they don’t tell me what they want. So this leaves me in a dilemma every year. But I have decided on a course of action. Why worry about finding the perfect gift when every store is chock full of cop-out gifts. I was just in K-Mart today, once again clueless as to what to get for my family for Christmas. Then I wandered over to the discount Christmas music bin. It was full of crappy Christmas music that few people would enjoy. One title that stood out was, “A Redneck Christmas.” I know for a fact that no one on my list of people to buy gifts for would enjoy such a CD, but hey, if you put no effort into putting together a list of things you would like, then I will put no effort into picking out a gift. So according to my new rule, “A Redneck Christmas,” is fair game as a Christmas gift. Also, since I live in Jackson Hole, there is an abundance of touristy gift shops, many overpriced, but there are plenty of affordable t-shirts. One kind of shirt that I have always wanted to buy for someone are those nature shirts. The ones that will say the name of a place, such as Jackson Hole, WY, and then have large, painting style, pictures of wild animals. A good example would be a wolf howling at the moon or a majestic bald eagle soaring over some snow capped mountains. The only people I have ever seen wear these shirts are poor kids in middle school and fat ladies in their fifties. I think that you know the kind of shirt that I am alluding to. My favorite one that I saw depicted the faces of an all-star line up of wild animals, a moose, an elk, an eagle, and of course a wolf. It was pretty sweet. I am laughing right now just thinking about it. I think that this would make an excellent gift for anyone who doesn’t throw me bone as to what they want for Christmas. So if you know for a fact that you are on my list and you told me to get you something nice for Christmas, it may interest you to know that in my opinion a wolf t-shirt is very nice.

Blog Tips

Since I started writing this blog, I have had a number of people ask me the question, "How can I get started writting a blog too?"

Ok, so no one really asked me that, but if anyone who reads my blog has ever wondered this, I will clue you in to a few key secrets to keeping a blog. First, you have to have a fair amount of ideas. If you are a boring/stupid person, then I suggest you find another way to waste your life. No one wants to read about how your dog did something funny, or how big your grandchildren are getting. There are too many blogs like that already and no one reads them.

Another tip is to use alcohol as a writing tool. Drinking enhances bad ideas, that you would otherwise never write about. It gives you the courage to publish toughts and ideas that you might normally consider inappropriate, or outright morally wrong. These will most likely be your most popular posts. Make sure you write and publish the drunken post, while still intoxicated. You don't want to blow a great blog post by giving youself the chance to revise it the next day with a sober mind. In my experience, a sober mind equals a boring blog.

Speaking of which, I am feeling a wave of soberiety coming over me right now, which means I didn't drink enough beer for breakfast this morning. I guess its off to the liqour store. Cheers!

Mr. Dishwasher

So, in my last blog, I told you about the cracked out dishwasher at my work at the ski resort. Well, the story about this guy gets a little weirder and scarier. This guy seriously creeps me out. I will try to recreate the scene for you hear on my blog as best I can recall.

Its later in the day, about 5:30p.m. I am going about my usual closing duties. I decide to clean out the large coffee urns in our restaurant. To do this, I have to take them back to the dish pit and rinse them out. So, I grab one of the urns and casually walk through the door to the back room. As I reach the door, I can see the dishwasher through the window, he is staring right at me. Not just a normal stare either, a crazy stare. Like the kind of look you would expect to get from a psych ward prison inmate. Almost a snarl. He looked like he wanted to murder me on the spot. So I try to ignore this horrible look he is forcing on me and I start cleaning out the coffee urn. As I’m doing this, he begins to speak, “Yo, I’m on these pills, they like speed, man. You take ‘em and you start to trip, you know? I get ‘em from the doctor, but if you take too many, man, you start to hear voices and shit, man. You know kinda like me talking to you. You ever have that shit happen to you?” I tried to remain indifferent to what he was saying, “Uhhh….no.”

He goes on. “Yo, I’ll sell some to you for like 10 dollars, you mix ‘em with coffee and that shit’ll be like cocaine, man.” “Uh…no thanks,” I replied.

“Yeah man, I be hearin’ voices though sometimes, man. I be dealing with devils and shit.” Then he realizes that he has been telling me some completely crazy things and adds, “Don’t tell no one I told you that though, ah-ight?” “No problem,” I told him.

This is more or less, what he told me. I also know for a fact that this guy has done time in either prison or jail. I’ve worked with some people that I thought took the cake for being weirdos, but this guy is way beyond them. I figure it is because he is the real thing. I am seriously creeped out by this guy. I think he might crack one of these days. And many of you may be thinking that this guy is just fucking with me. No. He’s too stupid to do that. He gives me these crazy looks and doesn’t even realize he’s doing it. He starts talking and doesn’t realize what the fuck he’s saying. He’s fucked up.

Well, I guess that’s all for now. Don’t be surprised if I end up blogging about this crazy bastard again though.

BLOG OUT

Life in the Hole

So, the last time I blogged I had only been in Jackson, WY for a day. Now it has been a week and a half and I guess a few things are different. I now have a better idea of what my day-to-day job will be. I am the Front of the House supervisor, which means that I make sure the cashiers aren't stealing, that the dining room stays clean, and that the coffee stays hot. So far, about half of the people who work for me are from South America. They are university students though, so they know decent English. So mostly I explain what needs to be done to the foreign workers. We have not been busy yet though, so mostly I just doof around for 10 hours.

If you are planning on visiting Jackson Hole and eating where I work, I must warn you, the food is ridiculously expensive and of poor quality. An example would be $10 for a cheesburger. And no, you don't get fries or a drink with that. Or $30 for a whole pizza. I find it hard to believe that anyone eats there at all. Of course it is a ski resort and all of them do the same thing, so I guess it is to be expected.

All in all I guess so far it is a pretty okay job. I get to ski for free and the people here are pretty nice. There are some weirdos though, same as anywhere. Like the dishwasher guy who is a quarter retarded and thinks he is a gangsta rapper. He's white and I'm pretty sure was born a crack baby, so his rhymes ain't that great, but he seems to think he's going to cut an album. I wish him luck.

Jackson Hole, WY

So, as many of you know, I have moved to Jackson Hole, WY for the winter. I work at the resort there and I get to ski for free as one of my benefits. I live in a small studio apartment and so far that is all that has happened. Oh yeah, a blizzard blew in last night. I am going to have to get used to driving with little or no visibility. So I will keep you posted, Blog, if anything happens. So far, I don't know anyone and I don't know where anything is. But there is only up from here. Peace.

Why You Should Never Trust a Deer

Here's proof that given the chance, a deer will kill you and everyone you care about.

Note the humorous picture.

http://www.wptz.com/news/10310252/detail.html

Don't trust a deer for a second, 'cause they will straight up murder your ass, as soon as you let your guard down.

The Drifter Lifestyle

So I will again be working at a seasonal position out west. I believe this categorizes me as a migrant worker. My job changes with the seasons. Or maybe a drifter or a transient. Life on the road ain't for everyone. Maybe someday I'll be hoppin' trains and riding the rails. That kind of life would take some getting used to at first, but it might not be all bad. I'd get to make up a sweet hobo name. Here are a few I thought of off hand: Gonzo, St. Ezekial, Hobo Joe, Mortimer J. Fizzlebottom III (Fizzie for short), Old Sweaty Balls. These are just ideas. Then in all your spare time you could just make up some crazy shit to tell the other hobos. Thats what they do to pass time. Just make up the craziest hobo story they can. Then if someone calls you out and says your a liar, you break a bottle over his head and shank his ass with the broken end! One of the keys to survival is making sure everyone is a little bit scared of you. Every once in a while you might have to do something completely nuts, just to keep the other hobos in line. Maybe like lighting someone on fire, or taking a dump on the hood of a parked police car. Yeah. Ok I'm out of ideas, time to go to bed.

Happy Halloween

Today is Halloween. One of my favorite holidays. Its kinda weird. When you are a kid, holidays are all about getting candy and presents. Now that I'm older, they are all about getting drunk. Suites me though. Little kids don't know what they're missing.

So I just returned to Michigan yesterday. I left Darby, MT on Friday and it took me 4 days to get back. I took some detours so it took a little longer. I ended up stopping in Jackson, WY. Ended up they were having a job fair at the Jackson Hole Resort. So I stopped in and got a job. So now I will be working as a supervisor of some kind in the restaurant for the winter. Oh yeah I also get to ski for free. Booyah! So those are my plans for the next half year. Work a crappy job and ski every chance I get. I'm excited. It will be fun. I will make no money, but I will have a blast. Who's coming with me?!

The drive sucks from Jackson Hole to Michigan. Wyoming is weird state. It is mostly high plains desert and National Forests. The landscape was awe inspiring. I drove through Teton National Park and Yellowstone. It was pretty cool. I also ended up driving through Big Horn National Forest at night whcih was a bit creepy. I couldn't really see what I was driving through, but I could tell there were huge cliffs and canyons all around the road. Then of course I got to South Dakota and the trip was mind-numbing from there on. That's about it.

Jesus in my email

So about a week ago I got this email from my mom. My mom is a religious lady, which doesn't bother me, but this email that she sent me was somewhat disturbing. It was some kind of Jesus chain letter. It talked about how if I don't continue the chain and send the letter to 10 other people including the person who sent it to me, then I don't love Jesus and everyone would know. It used what I considered threatening language to try to guilt trip me into sending out a cheesy Jesus chain letter. Now I got no problem with Jesus, I even consider myself a Christian, but come on! Why would you send something like this to people that you consider your friends and fellow Christians? Its like you're checking in on them or something. "If I don't receive a reply from this Jesus email, then I'll know you didn't send it!" So what? Big fuckin' deal. I didn't send it to anyone. In fact I am now denouncing aggressive Jesus chain letters on the internet for everyone to see. I've known since I got my first real chain letter as a kid that chain letters are gay. "So I gotta retype this and mail it to 10 other people? Screw that, I got video games to play." So by my logic if you are creating Jesus chain letters then you are in some kind of crazy limbo because Jesus and gay don't mix. At least on paper. And it wasn't even a good chain letter either. It was a bunch of stupid animated gifs and shit that someone cut and pasted together. I'm pretty sure an old lady made it since they don't know anything about the internet and a little kid could have made a cooler email than this. And no, I am not ripping on my mom right now. My mom didn't make this chain letter, she just didn't think it through long enough before sending it to me. The other sad thing about this is that I'm sure a bunch of foolish white church people received this email and flipped out. "Oh no! If I don't send this email to 10 other people, everyone will know and I will be kicked out of the church!" Well, I'm pretty sure any church that would kick you out for not sending a Jesus chain letter is not a good church to begin with. Also I'm pretty sure that Jesus doesn't endorse chain letters. They are too gay.

Lots of time off means more blog posts.

So for those of you who are wondering why I am in Montana, I will tell you. I was working a rich people's resort in a remote location. I was a server to the rich and famous. Your next question might be, who exactly did you serve to deserve such a title? Well a more refined and professional server, might claim that this is between me and the guest. I however, have no such values. Though the list is short, I did have the pleasure of serving a few people who are somewhat of celebrity status. First was former All-Pro Chicago Bears linebacker and Hall of Famer, Dick Butkus. This was a treat for me, a rabid NFL fan, though some of my co-workers had never even heard of him. He seemed to be a nice guy and I will never forget the words he spoke directly to me..."Hey waiter, I'll have a mineral water." Wow. Inspiring words from a football legend. The next semi-celebrity that visited our ranch was one of the queers from "Queer Eye for the Straight Guy", Carson Kressley. I didn't really know who he was before he got there, but he was pretty easy to pick out. He was the only gay guy on the ranch. He only stayed for one night but made his mark by inviting nearly every other dude at the ranch to come "hang out" in his cabin. Luckily we are professionals at our ranch and he was politely turned down. So, yeah. Those are the only famous people I have seen. But I guess that is a pretty good number for being out in rural Montana. Ok I'm sick of writing. I'm gonna go slam a few beers.

I was bored so I wrote this.

So it is now official. I will be moving back to Michigan after spending six months in Montana. I have a little over a week left here and there will no doubt be some things that I miss. Seeing mountains everywhere was pretty cool. I'm sort of surprised I never got into a car accident due to nature's distracting scenery. The wildlife out here was pretty cool as well. I saw deer everyday and I also saw a lot of elk, which if you have never seen one alive, are huge. I always see them at night crossing the road and they look like giant monsters lumbering around in the darkness. I sort of live on a nature preserve out here. It is a large area of land owned by the owner of the ranch that I work at. So all the animals can just chill out there and no one can hunt them except for the owner. In a way I am sort of like a medeival serf, tied to the land. I live on the king's land in a house owned by the king surrounded by the king's deer. If I were ever to kill any of these deer I'm pretty sure I would be executed. By the way, the owner is Craig Barrett, a former CEO of Intel and current Chairman of the Board. So I think he could probably have anyone executed that he wanted to. Especially in Montana. It would be pretty easy to dispose of a body out here. Just drive off in the woods somewhere and dump it. No one would find it for weeks. Sometimes I wonder how many people around here are actually reformed serial killers who escaped the law and started a new life in a small Montana town. That's what I would do. You could live off by yourself and no one would fuck with you. And its pretty easy to blend in here. All you have to do is cut your bathing down to once a week and stop shaving. Find yourself an old rusted out pickup and you're set. That's my back up plan. If shit starts going wrong and the authorities are searching for me. I'll just high-tail it to Montana. Then maybe start up a meth lab to keep the funds coming in. The only thing keeping me from doing it now is my youthful ambition to make something of myself. We'll see how long that lasts.

Birthday Blues

Birthdays suck. After you turn 21 they are no more fun. You just realize that you are a year older and you still feel the same. Nothing is really different. You're just older and a little uglier. You look around and realize, "I'd better get my ass moving! I'm getting old! I'm running out of time! Shit!" Then I always start comparing my life to other people who are my age. They have steady jobs, cars, some are married. What do I have? Some junk that I call my possessions and a steady drinking habit. Oh yeah and I guess I have a college degree. Sometimes I don't realize how many people don't have them. I read somewhere that in Michigan only 9% of people have bachelor's degrees. No wonder the economy sucks there. All the smart people left. And now I find myself going back. Hopefully not for long. I'm too smart to stay in a state full of dumb people. But I can't stay in Montana either. There are just not any people here. And the ones that are here are not that smart. For some reason they still cling to the old '50s version of the American dream where you work a hard-ass job over 40 hours a week and make $35,000. Someone forgot to tell them that hard work has been outsourced to Asia. We have a thing called the internet now and it is rapidly changing the world. But fuck 'em. Once I leave I won't give a crap.

Rolling Stones live in Missoula

So the Rolling Stones played a show in Missoula, MT this past week. And me knowing a good party when I hear it, decided to head up to the big city and check out what was going on. I didn't have any tickets or really any real desire to see a group of touring senior citizens play guitar for 100 dollars. But I figured there would be plenty of people like me, just looking for a good time. I met up with the Executive Chef from my work and we went bar-hopping for most of the night. We walked past the stadium where the concert was going on and hung out outside for a while wishing we were inside. That got old pretty quick though, so we went back to the bars. The night was going well. I was plenty drunk. There was one problem though, all the hotels in town were booked up because of the concert. This didn't end up being to much of a problem though, since I ended up blacking out. I woke up in my car which was parked downtown at 6a.m. I had no idea what happened or how I got there, but I wasn't in jail and I still had my wallet, so it must not have been that bad. So I figured, its time to go, and drove the miserable drive back to Darby. I won't say I was exactly sober, but who is in Montana? Drinking and driving is pretty much expected. There are no cops, so its pretty much at your own risk. People have asked me before if it is true that Montana has no speed limit. Well, no. That is not true. The speed limit on all the highways is 75, but there are barely any police. So if you wanted to, yeah, you could drive 100mph or faster. I would not advise it however, due to the poor road quality in Montana.

Darby Library

So this blog is about how I dislike small town librarians. Since the library is the only place in Darby that has wireless internet I find myself there more often than I would like. I also believe that I am the only person in town who uses the wireless internet. Very rarely does anyone else come in with a laptop. Most people just use the public computers to look at pictures of pickup trucks and read their horoscopes. Anyways. The librarians here are like Nazis about the computers. I have been scolded a number of times for not signing in to use my own computer. Who gives a shit? Its free. I'm not stealing anything. Also sometimes I find myself having to use the library's computers, which is even more of a pain in the ass. All the librarians seem to think I have no idea how the signing in process works even though I am at the library every other day. I even had one approach me with the sign-in sheet and accuse me of not signing it in a rather unpleasant tone that would have implied that I had shot her dog or something. I simply stated, "Uh...yes I did." And pointed out my name and the computer number. "Oh...sorry." Stupid bitch I signed your damn sheet, leave me the fuck alone. In small towns the internet is still pretty new. Most people don't even know what to do with it. The librarians consider themselves the local regulators of the internet and all its information. Most of the locals go along with it since they don't know any better. Sorry to burst your bubble, you weird looking lady, but the you can't stop me from using the internet for evil. Right now I am using it to publicly denounce your computer regulating practices.

Also while I was here today an old guy came in to donate some books and said, "Yeah you can have them, I don't read. I really hate to read." I guess I would hate it too if I was really bad at it. From his appearance I think you could make that assumption. But I guess he's in the right place.

Our Slaves: The Animals

Welcome to my world, dear reader. A writers best inspiration are a little bit of booze and a little bit of coffee. Mix'em up and shit starts flowing. So who else will admit to gettin supreme satisfaction out of teasing small animals? I will. Maybe you should try it sometime. Get out a big juicy piece of beef jerkey, find a hungry dog, wave the jerkey in front of its nose a few times until it gets excited, then just when the dog is about to jump up and snatch it, take a huge bite of it. The dog will immediately look dejected and confused. Stupid dog. Thought he was going to get a tasty snack. That's what it gets for trusting the hand of man. Animals should know by now that humans are completely untrustworthy creatures. But animals are stupid an gulible so they don't learn anything. That's why they are still animals and why we humans love to humiliate them. One thing I will never do though is dress a dog up in a sweater. I have to draw the line somewhere. And I believe that there is nothing more humiliating for an animal than to be dressed up in human clothes. I have to admit it is hard to resist kicking a dog in a sweater. Even though it is not really the dog's fault. His cruel human master forced it to wear such a humiliating thing. People know that animals hate wearing clothes, but make them do it anyways. Though I would never do it to a pet of my own, it is pretty funny at times. Like think of a bear wearing a hat, riding a unicycle. That's pretty funny. Or a cat dressed up like a medeival wizard. That's damn funny. The best part is that animals can't do shit about it. They are the inferior species and must do what they are made to do. Animals that get out of line are always shot. Think about it. A dog that bites people 'cause they try to put a sweater on it is accused of being mean and ill-tempered and usually sent to the dog pound to be put to death when really all it was doing was being a dog. A bear that eats people 'cause they are slow and easy to catch isn't accused of being a bear. Its labeled a man-eating monster and is shot on site, its carcass placed in a local gift shop for tourists to laugh at. Animals get the short end of the stick all the time. But you know what? I wouldn't have it any other way.

Duh...

So I have lived among the lower middle class most of my life. And I guess you could say that I have come in contanct with my share of "Poor America". Many people in the country have been complaining of the growing gap between the rich and the poor. There is more reasons for this than most people will ever tell you. The first reason is that poor people are stupid. They've been bred that way. No better education or new schools can change that. Some people are just plain dumb. If your parents are stupid, then it is just plain fact that you will in fact be stupid as well. It is a sad truth I must admit, but a truth non-theless. How can you expect stupid people to help themselves? They can't. They will continue to spend their money on stupid things such as basketball shoes and pick-up trucks. They will never vote the way that they should since again, they are stupid and easily decieved. The Republican party are masters at decieving the poor white people of America. If they even vote. All they have to do is tell them that the Democrats are trying to change their way of life by taking their guns and letting gays get married and they are sold. These are all reasons why the poor get poorer and the rich get richer. Oh yeah and the rich also prey upon the poor and exploite their stupidity without a second thought.

Being a Bum in Seattle

So I was in Seattle this past weekend and anytime you go to a big city you know that you will have some sort of run in with a bum. This trip was no different. We were drunk in downtown, I had a bottle of cheap wine in my hand and an insatiable thirst on my lips. We were outside of an apartment building. A bum was there. "What kind of wine you got?", the bum asked. "This is our wine," someone replied. This sent the bum off on a tirade that only a bum can perform. "I didn't ask if it was yours! What you think I'm gonna take it? I wasn't always like this! And I won't always be like this! Damn Caucasians! Fuck you! But God bless you! Fuck you! But God bless you!" The bum was stumbling away the whole time he was yelling at us. We were pretty speechless. He probably shouted a few other things as well, but I was drunk and the details are hazy. I'd say I was a few sips of wine away from an alcohol induced bum tantrum as well.

Darbarians

It has been a while since I have blogged. I would like to do it more often, but internet access is not as abundant here in Montana as it is in other, more civilized places. Which brings me to my first point of interest. I recently learned through one of the locals whom I work with that a nickname for people from Darby is "Darbarians." Upon hearing this I couldn't help but laugh right in her face. For all of you who have never been to Darby, I feel obliged to let you know that the name is a perfect fit. People from Darby are, for the most part, classless, shallow, simple-minded, and completely void of culture. I think this is pretty much the definition of a barbarian, which is why the name, "Darbarian," clicks so well. So yeah. I live with a bunch of Darbarians. I drink where they drink, shop where they shop. Sometimes I even touch them. But not without soap and water handy.

Ok enough of that. So this week I have done a few cool things. I went fly fishing for the first time which was pretty cool. I wouldn't mind doing it again. I also climbed a mountain. Trapper Peak to be exact. 10,157 ft. So what did you do with your summer? I bet you didn't climb a mountain. I have to admit, it was pretty awesome. If you ever get the chance, you should climb a mountain. Hmmm...oh yeah. Some old guy died on the river right next to where I live. I guess he caught a fish and had a heart attack. Not a bad way to go though.

What to do?

Hmmm...its my day off. I always have a hard time coming up with something to do. There are the obvious things like laundry, cleaning, grocery shopping. But that stuff sucks. The next idea that always comes into my head is to just give into alcoholism for the day. Just get completely smashed. It would kill the boredom. But then there's the guilty feeling the next day and the question of why did I get drunk for no reason. Right now I have to admit though, it doesn't seem like that bad of an idea. I have nothing to do. No plans. The day is half over. I have plenty of booze. Ok blog, you talked me into it. But if I wake up tomorrow morning with vomit on my pillow and a racoon in my pants, I'm blaming it on you.

Let's Go Blogging

So about a week ago I was in the Sawmill Saloon. It was a crowded Wednesday with the same familiar, dirty faces. I found a spot at the bar to order a drink. I sat down on the stool and this guy comes walking towards me staring straight at me. Now I've grown accustomed to strange looks in the Sawmill. Anyone who is somewhat well groomed and doesn't have dirt on their face is considered an outsider. But this guy was weirding me out just the same. He mumbled something to me which I couldn't hear over the din of rowdy drunks. There was an empty stool next to me and I gestured towards it and said, "Have at it." I think he must have misunderstood me 'cause he responded with, "That's my seat." He was referring to the empty stool to my right. "Ok," I said. Then as he sat down he looked at me and said, "You got a problem with that?" Now this guy must have been pushing forty and he had the kind of face you get from years of hard labor and a steady diet of cigarettes and shoe leather. He wasn't as intimidating as he was ugly. *From this point on I may stray a bit from the truth of the events of this specific evening in order to provide a more entertaining story for my blog readers.* So I stared the guy right in his glassy eyes and said, "Yeah. I got a real fuckin' problem with it!" Then I stood up before the ugly bastard knew what was happening and busted a half-full bottle of the High Life over his head. The blow sent him sprawling to the floor. A trickle of blood seeped through his ratty grey hair. The entire bar turned and stared straight at me. I suddenly realized that I was far outnumbered. 20 drunk rednecks to my broken bottle and me. The brawl that followed will go down in Sawmill history as one of the greats. After the first few blows were thrown, it didn't matter who you were hitting. There were no sides, just a complete melee. Many brave men fell. Blood streamed out the door into Darby's empty streets. By the end I had escaped to my vehicle and tore off leaving the rest of the yahoos behind for the Darby Marshall to deal with. All in all it was a good night.

Michigan Visit

So I'm back in Michigan for a wedding and I have to say its good to be back. Its strange though, everytime I fly into Detroit it always seems to be cloudy and rainy. It just enhances my feelings about Detroit being a dirty, grey, down-on-its-luck city. Which it is. Regardless, I never really realized how much I liked living in Michigan until I tried living somewhere else. Not that Montana is bad. Its pretty cool there with all the mountains and rivers and stuff, but I don't think I could live there for any length of time. At least not out in the middle of nowhere like I do now. I forgot how much I enjoy being an active participant in our consumer driven society. I can actually drive a few miles and get pretty much everything I need. Convenience is the shit. In Montana I have to drive an hour in order to visit a Wal-Mart. So instead I end up having to go to K-Mart. And yes, K-mart in Montana is just as shitty as the few left in Michigan. Also, Montana is dry as hell. It never rains and its really dusty. My car is so dusty on the inside that I get out caked in dirt. Michigan may be humid, but I say humidity is better than a dust bowl. And today I saw a rainstorm for the first time in like 3 weeks. I'm definetely glad that I get to live in Montana for right now, but I could never call it home. So to all of you who are thinking of moving, just remember, Michigan ain't all that bad. "Michigan: Hey, at least its not Ohio."

About Blogs

If you have ever tried to keep a blog you would know that it is sometimes a pain. Trying to come up with something interesting and entertaining everytime you make a posting. I guess I could just fill it with boring crap like most other blogs, but I'd rather not. I mean I could just write about how all I do is work and then go to sleep, but who would want to read that. I would fall asleep just writing it. I've decided that from time to time I will take a few liberties with my posts. There will be stories or observations loosely based on reality mixed in with the regular bullshit. We will see what happens.

Logger Days

I am writing today about one of the coolest small town festivals possibly in the world. The annual Darby Logger Days. If you love lumberjack contests and an abundance of chainsaws, beer, and scantily dressed ugly people, then this is for you. I was only able to make a short visit to the festivities, but it was time well spent. One of the coolest things there were these suped up chainsaws. One was a Harley-Davidson motorcycle engine and another was a V-6 Ford engine. It took two large men to lift these massive saw demons and power them through a huge log. The V-6 was my favorite. It blazed through the log like it was a toothpick. Upon finishing one of the large men handling the saw pumped a fist in the air victoriously. This was met by a huge uproar of "Yeehaws!" from the crowd. I have to admit, it was pretty badass. The lumberjack contests were cool as well. One involved racing up an angled log while carrying a chainsaw in one hand, firing it up, and then sawing off the end of the log. There were a few nasty stumbles, but fortunately no one got a saw through the leg. There was one chick though who competed in multiple events and beat almost everyone. She was some badass logger chick from Washington and she was hot. Of course she ended up being the crowd favorite with plenty of whistles coming from the direction of the beer tent. All in all it was pretty cool and now I wish I had a chainsaw.

Down and Out in Darby, MT

So, the novelty of living in Darby, MT has finally run its course. Now I am beginning to dread even visiting town. It is a poverty stricken town that is run by a bunch of yahoos. Everytime I go there, I see someone who I figure has got to be the weirdest bastard I have ever seen. Until the next time I go into town and am again completely blown away. Also I am beginning to hate not having TV. At first I didn't miss it at all. Now I find myself wishing for its sweet glow of mind numbing info-tainment. To watch the World Cup games I have to go to the local bar which opens at 8a.m. And yes there are people there that early. Mostly old ladies who cheef through a couple packs of cigarettes a day while drinking cheap swill. A most noxious drink that I have discovered is a local favorite here is a "red beer." It is cheap beer mixed with tomato juice. I tried a sample once to see what the big deal was and realized there was no big deal. It's just plain awful. So I am trying to find ways to occupy my time away from work, though most of the time I just sit on my porch and stare at the deer that run through my yard. I can't really go too far since I am trying to save money. Overall though it is still a fun place to be.

Hmmm...

There have been mice in my room lately. Last night I was forced to tear my room apart chasing one of those little bastards. This only hours after one of our mouse traps caught another one. Snap! One dead mouse with a broken face. I can't really think of that much to write right now. I've been reading, I've been sleeping, sometimes drinking, and trying to be outside as much as possible and enjoy the very pleasant weather we are having. That's about all I feel like typing.

I heart blogs.

Another cloudy day in the deep west of Montana. Not that most days are cloudy, but the past few have been. Cloudy days aren't that bad here though. The mountains scrape through the clouds and give the landscape a much more interesting appearance. Montana is a cool place. At least for me having not grown up here and knowing that I will one day be able to leave. There is a majority in this town though, that have rarely left Montana or the Bitterroot Valley for that matter. Sometimes I feel strange bringing up some experiences I have had throughout, what I considered to be, limited travels. But the more I experience, the more I realize how lucky I really am. I have a perfect family. We have enough money to get to do pretty much what we want. I have been from one coast of the U.S. to the other and seen many places in between. I have traveled to a few foreign countries. It is easy to see why many people do not have the same perspective on things as I do. However it is strange to me that some people seem content with what they grew up with. They never really want to discover or try anything new. Isn't that what life is all about? How boring would that be to wake up knowing exactly what you were going to do for the next 30 years. I admit that it is difficult to push yourself out of your comfort zone at times, but I'm able to do it. And I don't really consider myself all that great at it. Are some people just that scared of change? Or are they just that lazy? I also suppose perhaps there could be other factors at work such as being tied down with a family and not having an education. But I'm not really talking about those people. I mean the people who have a high school diploma, no family to support, and still refuse to step out of the box they were raised in. I guess there are some things I will never understand.

A Night Out at the Sawmill

So I wanted to watch the Pistons game the other day, but was met with a dillema. I don't have a TV. The only place I could think of that would have a TV where they would be playing the game was a bar in town. There are three bars in Darby so I figured at least one would have the game on. The first two bars did not have the game on. In fact they didn't have anything on. All I got was a few wild eyed stares from the local booze hounds. So as a last resort I went to the Sawmill Saloon, which I am begining to figure out is the best bar in town. It is decorated with old chainsaws hanging from the ceiling as well as a number of slot machines. The real attraction though are its patrons. So I entered the bar and I was in luck, the Pistons were on. I mosied over to the bar and had a seat. I began to look around and noticed that no one else was watching the game but me. To my right a couple of locals were hootin' and hollerin' over some hillbilly shit, I'm not sure what. To my left were a number of guys playing pool. They seemed to be a little young to me. Then I saw the sign, "No one under 18 allowed." So I guess you can hang out in bars even if you can't drink in them in Montana. These young guys were sort of strange looking. I would have to call them mountain folk. I figured out that this one old guy was one of their dads and he was the kind of man who had no business producing offspring. Whatever. Later on, one of the bartenders was trying to fix an industrial stapler that was jammed. He was randomly pulling the trigger and swinging it around. I was expecting someone to lose an eye. Luckily that didn't happen on this day. Overall it isn't a bad place. Its a lot nicer than the other two bars in Darby.

Greetings from Darby, MT

I have arrived. I am in Darby, Montana. I have been here for a few days now and am really beginning to enjoy it. I live in a house surrounded by mountains and wildlife. There is a river in my backyard and I live on a private road. My house is much nicer than I expected. We have a large kitchen, a spacious living room with a bar, and a hot tub that unfortunately we are not allowed to use. So yeah. I guess you could say I got it made for now. The trip here was quite a journey. It took me 3 days to get here with a total drive time of about 27 hours. Most of which was pretty boring. Have you ever driven across South Dakota? It sucks for 90% of the way. Nothing but tourist traps and corn fields. The only good thing was that there was no traffic for most of the trip. Once I got on I-90 I was able to lock in the cruise control at 80mph and speed past the rest of the motorists. During the trip I lived off of mostly Doritos and cola. I felt pretty sick by the end of the trip. I was sleep deprived and malnourished. It was my kind of road trip. So now I'm here and everything is going well. By the way, if anyone wants to venture out to the Bitterroot Mountains, I have plenty of room for guests. Holla!

A Few Days in D.C.

I have just returned from a short trip to our nation's capital, Washington D.C. I had an amazing time. I was able to visit a large number of memorials and museums in a short amount of time. It was a feat that I think few could duplicate. Sightseeing alone to me is way more fun than having to cater to the needs and wants of other people in your traveling party. That's 'cause I am pretty good at denying myself any comforts and pushing my limits of physical exaustion. I walked everywhere at a pace not unlike that of the winged feet of Mercury himself. Pushing the old and weak aside, I blazed down the pathes that led to the greatest symbols of our nation's legacy of freedom. My only regret is that I didn't take more pictures. However even the pictures that I did take do no justice to the awe inspiring landscape of D.C. What an exciting an patriotic city! To my surprise the hobos were at a minimum. I reasoned this out to be the result of an especially cold winter. The ones that were there though, kept pretty much to themselves, as long as you didn't invade on their turf which includes most public parks. That was recognized as bum territory. As long as you kept a respectful distance you could enjoy their rantings safely. Oh yeah and never make eye contact with them. They will recognize this instantly as an invitation to hastle you. But the homeless were a minimal part of my trip. I was surprised by the nightlife that the city had to offer. Good thing I had one of my best friends guiding me, otherwise I would have been lost as to where to go. Overall I had a lot of fun and the trip was capped off by a long Saturday of drinking. It started out normal. Walking the streets of Eastern Market, checking out what the vendors had to sell, an innocent stroll down the street. Then a sign caught my companion's eye. $10 all you can drink vodka. She stopped dead in her tracks. She looked at me with a face that said, "I know we shouldn't, but..." We couldn't resist. The vodka began flowing when we entered the bar at around 1:40 p.m. and didn't stop until the cut-off of 4 o'clock. Needless to say my friend and I are not ones to have just a few drinks and be happy with a mild buzz. We pounded glass after glass of self-mixed cocktails. By the time it was 4 p.m. I was having trouble remembering where we were and my friend was making extended trips to the lavatory, having fell victim to alcohol's sweet sickness. We stumbled home, passed out, and awoke 4 hours later. Feeling a little under the weather, my friend decided that she was done for the night. I on the other hand was not about to waste my last night in D.C. by being sober. I purchased 1.5 liters of wine and began drinking again. My flight was to leave at 6:30 a.m., so I figured I would just drink all night and then jump on the plane with a happy buzz. I didn't initially plan on drinking the whole bottle, but it ended up being completely dry without a minute to spare. My friend, bless her heart, was sober and was the only reason that I even made it to the airport on time. However I ended up being too drunk to fullfill my part of the bargain which was just to get on the plane. I passed out in the terminal in front of my departure gate and didn't wake up again until around 8 a.m. an hour and a half after my flight left. I was a little out of sorts when I woke up and freaked out at first. I left the terminal to talk to a service agent and didn't realize that my wallet had fallen out of my pocket. The service agent asked me for my ID and I reached for an empty back pocket and again began to freak out. Fortunately I was able to retrieve my wallet, but I was put on standby for my flight for the rest of the day. I sat around at the airport watching flight after flight leave for Detroit which was my destination, all of them booked solid. Finally after over 13 hours in the airport I was able to get a seat on a flight to Detroit and...well...I guess that's it. After that I went home. But I have never had a more fun 4 days. Those are my favorite trips. No plans, no itenerary, just do whatever comes my way. I had a blast and can't wait to go back to D.C. A special thanks to my good friend Michelle, without you the trip would have been nothing.

Graduated

I finally did it! I graduated college. It only took me 5 long years. That's okay though. I don't regret a second of it. When I look at what I have now, I sort of wonder what I have accomplished and what is actually different. Nothing is really different, except that now I have a degree. But then I think back on all the stuff I did during those 5 years. The memories are what is different. I have done a ton of new things, been a lot of new places, and met some new people along the way. What is strange is that I still have the same core group of friends from high school. I don't know if that will ever change. I am excited about moving on though and meeting more people and doing more cool stuff. I have a lot more experiences to draw from now and am starting to figure out how it all fits together. That is all for now.

Reflections

I am currently enjoying my last few weeks of being a college student. Then it will be out of my sheltered drinking sanctuary into the real world where what I do on a weekly basis would be considered a problem. Behaviors will have to be changed, responsibility will have to be accepted, and I will no doubt be having a lot less fun. At least not the same kind of fun. The good thing is that I get to go live in Montana for a few months. I am really hoping that it will pan out the way I envision it. It will be tough to leave the college life behind. As much as I disliked most of my classes, it was a lot of fun. So I will be enjoying my last few weeks by doing as little as possible and enjoying the downtime.

Montana

I will be moving to Montana for the summer. It is going to be fun and challenging. I'm kinda scared about having a somewhat real job. Maybe its 'cause I feel like I learned no real world skills in college at all. Oh well. Learning on the fly is the best way to do it. I just hope I don't go completely crazy living in the middle of nowhere. Oh yeah. I am also not sure that I will even have enough money to move. I have less than $600 left and no job. I am slowly burning that money away at the bar and I have a feeling that my spending pace will increase exponentially. Oh well. Guess I'll have to figure something out. Peace be the journey.

Random Blog Post

I'm on a coffee buzz right now and I just bought another 24 ounces of the stuff. Coffee is awsome. I could drink it all day. It is the only thing that can get my lazy ass in gear. Yuck...this cup is cold though. I guess I should have checked it before I bought it. Live and learn. Let's see...oh yeah. I checked my credit report for the first time. Apparently I have amazing credit. Even though I found out that I had an open account for a card that I didn't even know I had. I'm pretty sure it can be traced back to freshman year when I filled out credit card applications in return for free t-shirts. I must have just cut up the card and thrown it away figuring the problem would take care of itself. It didn't. Oh well at least no one found it and used it. Plus I think it might have helped my credit score to have more than one credit card. I just realized that my room is completely trashed. I need to clean it bad. Too bad I got a long day of doing nothing planned. Enjoying my last month at school to the fullest.

I am pretty tired, which I find is the best time to write these things. I am much more detactched from reality than usual, which is still pretty detatched. I think detatched discribes me well. I rarely make new friends or meet people who I plan on keeping up some kind of relationship with. I find it much more suitable for me to keep most people at a distance. That way no one knows what you're really thinking. They might have a guess, but they are usually wrong. Through experience I have found that my mind works differently than most people. I'm not sure why. I'm hesitant to go into much more detail. I'm not sure I should be discussing my inner thoughts on a website that I have posted for all to see. I figure no one reads this though. My mind is wandering. This rambling post is not making much sense even to me. Damn its late. I have to go to bed. The morning always comes way too early.

Bahamas

I have just returned from my journey to the islands of the Carribean. A marvelous time was had by all. Some advice if you ever decide to travel to the Bahamas, don't plan on driving there. They drive on the opposite side of the road and they all drive like psychos. Oh yeah and drinking and driving is allowed and encouraged. This part was not so bad. Who doesn't enjoy knockin' back a few cold ones after a long days work while doing 80 down the interstate? I know I do. But unfortunately I don't live in the Bahamas, I live in the U.S. where ol' Johnny Law is always after me, telling me what to do. Oh well. There are no monkeys in the Bahamas. So if you go there planning to capture one and smuggle it back so you can have your own monkey butler, you will be disappointed. I guess that's all.

Finally!!! Spring Break. In a few short hours I will be on the sunny sandy beaches of the Bahamas. Hopefully with a monkey on my shoulder and a beer in my hand. Ahhhh...sweet relaxation. Don't worry. I'll let you all know how sweet it was.

Well...I guess I had better make a new post. It's been a few weeks. Let's see...umm....I am currently counting down the days until Spring Break '06. I will be lounging in the Bahamas for an entire week. Unfortunetely school and work are keeping me down until then. I can't wait to graduate. Even though I have no idea what I'm going to do. I guess a job would be the obvious decision, but I have a crappy resume. So, we'll see. Oh yeah and I hate work.

Damn Super Bowl! How could the Seahawks play so shitty? They had plenty of chances and screwed them all up. Plus the officiating was horrible. I've never seen such a biased officiating crew towards one team, namely the Steelers. Horseshit! All you Steelers fans can kiss my ass. In my book the Steelers are still the perennial losers of the league. Always good, but never win shit. Fuck 'em.

My Domain

I live in a basement. A place where societal rules have no meaning. A place of solitude and isolation. Bitter cold and pungent odors. Few people visit and when they do, they are noticeably uneasy. It is my favorite place. I wouldn't have it any other way. What does all this mean? Pretty much that I can walk around with no pants and wear funny hats.

my first blog post

As you can see I have decided to join the blog craze that has swept the internet. No doubt mine will be just as boring and pointless as the rest, so if you are in fact reading this I would suggest taking up a hobby besides reading blogs. Loser. Anyways I've decided that randomly yelling things out the window of a car at people can be quite fun and humorous. Today I started with a couple out for a run. "Down with exercise!" were my words of choice. They appeared thoroughly confused which pleased me. Next was a bum walking down the street with a bag and a stick. Standard bum gear. "Three cheers for the homeless!" I'm not sure he heard me, but if he had I'm sure it would have made his day. That's all I got for today. Thanks for reading.