I think I might have a rage problem. Its not the type that you would expect however. Most people have road rage, domestic rage, primal rage. I have Jesus rage, and let me clarify, I am not mad at Jesus himself, I am mad at the crap people sell in his name. It is a problem I didn’t realize until this Christmas. My mom sent me a big box of presents and I was pretty excited about opening them. I figured I had given her a pretty good list, I ought to get some good stuff. But then I started opening the presents. The first present was in the shape of a CD. I figured, sweet, my mom got me one of the CDs I asked for. Nope. It was a Stephen Curtis Chapman Christmas album. If you are not familiar with his music, he is a Christian pop artist, or something. Come on, Mom, I asked for Audioslave! This ignited the rage, which was still small at this time. The next present looked promising, but, ohp…nope…a nativity scene set. What am I going to do with this? Christmas is over. Not that I would have set it up anyways. My studio apartment is full of empty beer cans, there’s no room for the baby Jesus. This added a few more large logs onto my rage fire. Well, the rest of my presents must be the good ones, right? Nope. I got a book on the birth of the baby Jesus. No not the Bible, some guys revamped interpretation of Christmas. Awesome. This would be a great gift for like an old lady, but what am I gonna do with it? I guess it goes in the pile of Jesus books I have received as gifts from earlier holidays.
Ok. I have to get something off my chest here. Jesus books are horrible gifts, unless you’re being confirmed into the church or baptized, which in these church related cases, I could understand. But for graduation and birthdays and such. No. Here is why. All the religious books that I have received, besides the Bible, are just some other Christian’s interpretation of how they think I should live. Sorry, but I have little respect for the opinions of some anonymous Christian who decided to write a book. What the hell do they know about Jesus, that I already don’t? Granted, I have never read the Bible, but if I wanted to know more about Jesus, it would be the first place I would look. Not some right wing Christian conservative who insults the intelligence of all church going people by forcing their children to learn about the “intelligent designer,” instead of real science. That’s the real beef that I have with organized Christianity is that it insults my intelligence to associate myself with people who can believe something so backwards and ridiculous. That’s what sucks. ‘Cause I’m not an atheist. But I also won’t believe whatever these crazy church people tell me to. They are screwing with their own kids and pretty much purposely giving them a learning disability by teaching them something that is closer related to complete make-believe than any kind of science. And the more we learn about the leading Christians, the harder it is to be associated with them. Like that one guy, Tim Haggard or whoever, who just got busted for buying meth and soliciting sex from a male prostitute? I don’t care who you are, that is way fucked up, especially when you are supposed to be setting an example for people who look to you for leadership. Not that I ever looked to this guy for any kind of guidance, but many people take their Christian leaders very seriously.
Sorry, I got completely off topic there. But I needed to say it. So anyways. Don’t send me anymore Jesus gifts for Christmas, please. It makes me mad.
Wednesday, December 27, 2006
Saturday, December 23, 2006
Christmas Shopping Sucks
For many people, Christmas shopping is a yearly pain in the ass. I am no different from other people in this aspect of my life. Like everyone else I wait until the last minute, then on Christmas Eve I rush out to Wal-Mart and buy everyone on my list gifts in one frantic shopping spree. Of course by this time most of the good gifts are sold out, so I end up having to settle for bags of Christmas candy as a suitable gift. Everyone likes candy, right? Its fail proof and it takes zero thought. I remember one year I was so broke, that I had no other choice than to buy my whole family gifts on like 20 bucks. I felt pretty bad, but I realized that my family doesn’t expect much from their gifts from me, so that made it a little better. Nowadays though, my family doesn’t even give me a clue what they want. “Me? Uh…Gee, I dunno. Get me something nice.” Sweet. To let you know, I am terrible at coming up with gifts for people when they don’t tell me what they want. So this leaves me in a dilemma every year. But I have decided on a course of action. Why worry about finding the perfect gift when every store is chock full of cop-out gifts. I was just in K-Mart today, once again clueless as to what to get for my family for Christmas. Then I wandered over to the discount Christmas music bin. It was full of crappy Christmas music that few people would enjoy. One title that stood out was, “A Redneck Christmas.” I know for a fact that no one on my list of people to buy gifts for would enjoy such a CD, but hey, if you put no effort into putting together a list of things you would like, then I will put no effort into picking out a gift. So according to my new rule, “A Redneck Christmas,” is fair game as a Christmas gift. Also, since I live in Jackson Hole, there is an abundance of touristy gift shops, many overpriced, but there are plenty of affordable t-shirts. One kind of shirt that I have always wanted to buy for someone are those nature shirts. The ones that will say the name of a place, such as Jackson Hole, WY, and then have large, painting style, pictures of wild animals. A good example would be a wolf howling at the moon or a majestic bald eagle soaring over some snow capped mountains. The only people I have ever seen wear these shirts are poor kids in middle school and fat ladies in their fifties. I think that you know the kind of shirt that I am alluding to. My favorite one that I saw depicted the faces of an all-star line up of wild animals, a moose, an elk, an eagle, and of course a wolf. It was pretty sweet. I am laughing right now just thinking about it. I think that this would make an excellent gift for anyone who doesn’t throw me bone as to what they want for Christmas. So if you know for a fact that you are on my list and you told me to get you something nice for Christmas, it may interest you to know that in my opinion a wolf t-shirt is very nice.
Thursday, December 14, 2006
Blog Tips
Since I started writing this blog, I have had a number of people ask me the question, "How can I get started writting a blog too?"
Ok, so no one really asked me that, but if anyone who reads my blog has ever wondered this, I will clue you in to a few key secrets to keeping a blog. First, you have to have a fair amount of ideas. If you are a boring/stupid person, then I suggest you find another way to waste your life. No one wants to read about how your dog did something funny, or how big your grandchildren are getting. There are too many blogs like that already and no one reads them.
Another tip is to use alcohol as a writing tool. Drinking enhances bad ideas, that you would otherwise never write about. It gives you the courage to publish toughts and ideas that you might normally consider inappropriate, or outright morally wrong. These will most likely be your most popular posts. Make sure you write and publish the drunken post, while still intoxicated. You don't want to blow a great blog post by giving youself the chance to revise it the next day with a sober mind. In my experience, a sober mind equals a boring blog.
Speaking of which, I am feeling a wave of soberiety coming over me right now, which means I didn't drink enough beer for breakfast this morning. I guess its off to the liqour store. Cheers!
Ok, so no one really asked me that, but if anyone who reads my blog has ever wondered this, I will clue you in to a few key secrets to keeping a blog. First, you have to have a fair amount of ideas. If you are a boring/stupid person, then I suggest you find another way to waste your life. No one wants to read about how your dog did something funny, or how big your grandchildren are getting. There are too many blogs like that already and no one reads them.
Another tip is to use alcohol as a writing tool. Drinking enhances bad ideas, that you would otherwise never write about. It gives you the courage to publish toughts and ideas that you might normally consider inappropriate, or outright morally wrong. These will most likely be your most popular posts. Make sure you write and publish the drunken post, while still intoxicated. You don't want to blow a great blog post by giving youself the chance to revise it the next day with a sober mind. In my experience, a sober mind equals a boring blog.
Speaking of which, I am feeling a wave of soberiety coming over me right now, which means I didn't drink enough beer for breakfast this morning. I guess its off to the liqour store. Cheers!
Tuesday, December 12, 2006
Mr. Dishwasher
So, in my last blog, I told you about the cracked out dishwasher at my work at the ski resort. Well, the story about this guy gets a little weirder and scarier. This guy seriously creeps me out. I will try to recreate the scene for you hear on my blog as best I can recall.
Its later in the day, about 5:30p.m. I am going about my usual closing duties. I decide to clean out the large coffee urns in our restaurant. To do this, I have to take them back to the dish pit and rinse them out. So, I grab one of the urns and casually walk through the door to the back room. As I reach the door, I can see the dishwasher through the window, he is staring right at me. Not just a normal stare either, a crazy stare. Like the kind of look you would expect to get from a psych ward prison inmate. Almost a snarl. He looked like he wanted to murder me on the spot. So I try to ignore this horrible look he is forcing on me and I start cleaning out the coffee urn. As I’m doing this, he begins to speak, “Yo, I’m on these pills, they like speed, man. You take ‘em and you start to trip, you know? I get ‘em from the doctor, but if you take too many, man, you start to hear voices and shit, man. You know kinda like me talking to you. You ever have that shit happen to you?” I tried to remain indifferent to what he was saying, “Uhhh….no.”
He goes on. “Yo, I’ll sell some to you for like 10 dollars, you mix ‘em with coffee and that shit’ll be like cocaine, man.” “Uh…no thanks,” I replied.
“Yeah man, I be hearin’ voices though sometimes, man. I be dealing with devils and shit.” Then he realizes that he has been telling me some completely crazy things and adds, “Don’t tell no one I told you that though, ah-ight?” “No problem,” I told him.
This is more or less, what he told me. I also know for a fact that this guy has done time in either prison or jail. I’ve worked with some people that I thought took the cake for being weirdos, but this guy is way beyond them. I figure it is because he is the real thing. I am seriously creeped out by this guy. I think he might crack one of these days. And many of you may be thinking that this guy is just fucking with me. No. He’s too stupid to do that. He gives me these crazy looks and doesn’t even realize he’s doing it. He starts talking and doesn’t realize what the fuck he’s saying. He’s fucked up.
Well, I guess that’s all for now. Don’t be surprised if I end up blogging about this crazy bastard again though.
BLOG OUT
Its later in the day, about 5:30p.m. I am going about my usual closing duties. I decide to clean out the large coffee urns in our restaurant. To do this, I have to take them back to the dish pit and rinse them out. So, I grab one of the urns and casually walk through the door to the back room. As I reach the door, I can see the dishwasher through the window, he is staring right at me. Not just a normal stare either, a crazy stare. Like the kind of look you would expect to get from a psych ward prison inmate. Almost a snarl. He looked like he wanted to murder me on the spot. So I try to ignore this horrible look he is forcing on me and I start cleaning out the coffee urn. As I’m doing this, he begins to speak, “Yo, I’m on these pills, they like speed, man. You take ‘em and you start to trip, you know? I get ‘em from the doctor, but if you take too many, man, you start to hear voices and shit, man. You know kinda like me talking to you. You ever have that shit happen to you?” I tried to remain indifferent to what he was saying, “Uhhh….no.”
He goes on. “Yo, I’ll sell some to you for like 10 dollars, you mix ‘em with coffee and that shit’ll be like cocaine, man.” “Uh…no thanks,” I replied.
“Yeah man, I be hearin’ voices though sometimes, man. I be dealing with devils and shit.” Then he realizes that he has been telling me some completely crazy things and adds, “Don’t tell no one I told you that though, ah-ight?” “No problem,” I told him.
This is more or less, what he told me. I also know for a fact that this guy has done time in either prison or jail. I’ve worked with some people that I thought took the cake for being weirdos, but this guy is way beyond them. I figure it is because he is the real thing. I am seriously creeped out by this guy. I think he might crack one of these days. And many of you may be thinking that this guy is just fucking with me. No. He’s too stupid to do that. He gives me these crazy looks and doesn’t even realize he’s doing it. He starts talking and doesn’t realize what the fuck he’s saying. He’s fucked up.
Well, I guess that’s all for now. Don’t be surprised if I end up blogging about this crazy bastard again though.
BLOG OUT
Wednesday, December 06, 2006
Life in the Hole
So, the last time I blogged I had only been in Jackson, WY for a day. Now it has been a week and a half and I guess a few things are different. I now have a better idea of what my day-to-day job will be. I am the Front of the House supervisor, which means that I make sure the cashiers aren't stealing, that the dining room stays clean, and that the coffee stays hot. So far, about half of the people who work for me are from South America. They are university students though, so they know decent English. So mostly I explain what needs to be done to the foreign workers. We have not been busy yet though, so mostly I just doof around for 10 hours.
If you are planning on visiting Jackson Hole and eating where I work, I must warn you, the food is ridiculously expensive and of poor quality. An example would be $10 for a cheesburger. And no, you don't get fries or a drink with that. Or $30 for a whole pizza. I find it hard to believe that anyone eats there at all. Of course it is a ski resort and all of them do the same thing, so I guess it is to be expected.
All in all I guess so far it is a pretty okay job. I get to ski for free and the people here are pretty nice. There are some weirdos though, same as anywhere. Like the dishwasher guy who is a quarter retarded and thinks he is a gangsta rapper. He's white and I'm pretty sure was born a crack baby, so his rhymes ain't that great, but he seems to think he's going to cut an album. I wish him luck.
If you are planning on visiting Jackson Hole and eating where I work, I must warn you, the food is ridiculously expensive and of poor quality. An example would be $10 for a cheesburger. And no, you don't get fries or a drink with that. Or $30 for a whole pizza. I find it hard to believe that anyone eats there at all. Of course it is a ski resort and all of them do the same thing, so I guess it is to be expected.
All in all I guess so far it is a pretty okay job. I get to ski for free and the people here are pretty nice. There are some weirdos though, same as anywhere. Like the dishwasher guy who is a quarter retarded and thinks he is a gangsta rapper. He's white and I'm pretty sure was born a crack baby, so his rhymes ain't that great, but he seems to think he's going to cut an album. I wish him luck.
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