Happy Halloween

Today is Halloween. One of my favorite holidays. Its kinda weird. When you are a kid, holidays are all about getting candy and presents. Now that I'm older, they are all about getting drunk. Suites me though. Little kids don't know what they're missing.

So I just returned to Michigan yesterday. I left Darby, MT on Friday and it took me 4 days to get back. I took some detours so it took a little longer. I ended up stopping in Jackson, WY. Ended up they were having a job fair at the Jackson Hole Resort. So I stopped in and got a job. So now I will be working as a supervisor of some kind in the restaurant for the winter. Oh yeah I also get to ski for free. Booyah! So those are my plans for the next half year. Work a crappy job and ski every chance I get. I'm excited. It will be fun. I will make no money, but I will have a blast. Who's coming with me?!

The drive sucks from Jackson Hole to Michigan. Wyoming is weird state. It is mostly high plains desert and National Forests. The landscape was awe inspiring. I drove through Teton National Park and Yellowstone. It was pretty cool. I also ended up driving through Big Horn National Forest at night whcih was a bit creepy. I couldn't really see what I was driving through, but I could tell there were huge cliffs and canyons all around the road. Then of course I got to South Dakota and the trip was mind-numbing from there on. That's about it.

Jesus in my email

So about a week ago I got this email from my mom. My mom is a religious lady, which doesn't bother me, but this email that she sent me was somewhat disturbing. It was some kind of Jesus chain letter. It talked about how if I don't continue the chain and send the letter to 10 other people including the person who sent it to me, then I don't love Jesus and everyone would know. It used what I considered threatening language to try to guilt trip me into sending out a cheesy Jesus chain letter. Now I got no problem with Jesus, I even consider myself a Christian, but come on! Why would you send something like this to people that you consider your friends and fellow Christians? Its like you're checking in on them or something. "If I don't receive a reply from this Jesus email, then I'll know you didn't send it!" So what? Big fuckin' deal. I didn't send it to anyone. In fact I am now denouncing aggressive Jesus chain letters on the internet for everyone to see. I've known since I got my first real chain letter as a kid that chain letters are gay. "So I gotta retype this and mail it to 10 other people? Screw that, I got video games to play." So by my logic if you are creating Jesus chain letters then you are in some kind of crazy limbo because Jesus and gay don't mix. At least on paper. And it wasn't even a good chain letter either. It was a bunch of stupid animated gifs and shit that someone cut and pasted together. I'm pretty sure an old lady made it since they don't know anything about the internet and a little kid could have made a cooler email than this. And no, I am not ripping on my mom right now. My mom didn't make this chain letter, she just didn't think it through long enough before sending it to me. The other sad thing about this is that I'm sure a bunch of foolish white church people received this email and flipped out. "Oh no! If I don't send this email to 10 other people, everyone will know and I will be kicked out of the church!" Well, I'm pretty sure any church that would kick you out for not sending a Jesus chain letter is not a good church to begin with. Also I'm pretty sure that Jesus doesn't endorse chain letters. They are too gay.

Lots of time off means more blog posts.

So for those of you who are wondering why I am in Montana, I will tell you. I was working a rich people's resort in a remote location. I was a server to the rich and famous. Your next question might be, who exactly did you serve to deserve such a title? Well a more refined and professional server, might claim that this is between me and the guest. I however, have no such values. Though the list is short, I did have the pleasure of serving a few people who are somewhat of celebrity status. First was former All-Pro Chicago Bears linebacker and Hall of Famer, Dick Butkus. This was a treat for me, a rabid NFL fan, though some of my co-workers had never even heard of him. He seemed to be a nice guy and I will never forget the words he spoke directly to me..."Hey waiter, I'll have a mineral water." Wow. Inspiring words from a football legend. The next semi-celebrity that visited our ranch was one of the queers from "Queer Eye for the Straight Guy", Carson Kressley. I didn't really know who he was before he got there, but he was pretty easy to pick out. He was the only gay guy on the ranch. He only stayed for one night but made his mark by inviting nearly every other dude at the ranch to come "hang out" in his cabin. Luckily we are professionals at our ranch and he was politely turned down. So, yeah. Those are the only famous people I have seen. But I guess that is a pretty good number for being out in rural Montana. Ok I'm sick of writing. I'm gonna go slam a few beers.

I was bored so I wrote this.

So it is now official. I will be moving back to Michigan after spending six months in Montana. I have a little over a week left here and there will no doubt be some things that I miss. Seeing mountains everywhere was pretty cool. I'm sort of surprised I never got into a car accident due to nature's distracting scenery. The wildlife out here was pretty cool as well. I saw deer everyday and I also saw a lot of elk, which if you have never seen one alive, are huge. I always see them at night crossing the road and they look like giant monsters lumbering around in the darkness. I sort of live on a nature preserve out here. It is a large area of land owned by the owner of the ranch that I work at. So all the animals can just chill out there and no one can hunt them except for the owner. In a way I am sort of like a medeival serf, tied to the land. I live on the king's land in a house owned by the king surrounded by the king's deer. If I were ever to kill any of these deer I'm pretty sure I would be executed. By the way, the owner is Craig Barrett, a former CEO of Intel and current Chairman of the Board. So I think he could probably have anyone executed that he wanted to. Especially in Montana. It would be pretty easy to dispose of a body out here. Just drive off in the woods somewhere and dump it. No one would find it for weeks. Sometimes I wonder how many people around here are actually reformed serial killers who escaped the law and started a new life in a small Montana town. That's what I would do. You could live off by yourself and no one would fuck with you. And its pretty easy to blend in here. All you have to do is cut your bathing down to once a week and stop shaving. Find yourself an old rusted out pickup and you're set. That's my back up plan. If shit starts going wrong and the authorities are searching for me. I'll just high-tail it to Montana. Then maybe start up a meth lab to keep the funds coming in. The only thing keeping me from doing it now is my youthful ambition to make something of myself. We'll see how long that lasts.

Birthday Blues

Birthdays suck. After you turn 21 they are no more fun. You just realize that you are a year older and you still feel the same. Nothing is really different. You're just older and a little uglier. You look around and realize, "I'd better get my ass moving! I'm getting old! I'm running out of time! Shit!" Then I always start comparing my life to other people who are my age. They have steady jobs, cars, some are married. What do I have? Some junk that I call my possessions and a steady drinking habit. Oh yeah and I guess I have a college degree. Sometimes I don't realize how many people don't have them. I read somewhere that in Michigan only 9% of people have bachelor's degrees. No wonder the economy sucks there. All the smart people left. And now I find myself going back. Hopefully not for long. I'm too smart to stay in a state full of dumb people. But I can't stay in Montana either. There are just not any people here. And the ones that are here are not that smart. For some reason they still cling to the old '50s version of the American dream where you work a hard-ass job over 40 hours a week and make $35,000. Someone forgot to tell them that hard work has been outsourced to Asia. We have a thing called the internet now and it is rapidly changing the world. But fuck 'em. Once I leave I won't give a crap.

Rolling Stones live in Missoula

So the Rolling Stones played a show in Missoula, MT this past week. And me knowing a good party when I hear it, decided to head up to the big city and check out what was going on. I didn't have any tickets or really any real desire to see a group of touring senior citizens play guitar for 100 dollars. But I figured there would be plenty of people like me, just looking for a good time. I met up with the Executive Chef from my work and we went bar-hopping for most of the night. We walked past the stadium where the concert was going on and hung out outside for a while wishing we were inside. That got old pretty quick though, so we went back to the bars. The night was going well. I was plenty drunk. There was one problem though, all the hotels in town were booked up because of the concert. This didn't end up being to much of a problem though, since I ended up blacking out. I woke up in my car which was parked downtown at 6a.m. I had no idea what happened or how I got there, but I wasn't in jail and I still had my wallet, so it must not have been that bad. So I figured, its time to go, and drove the miserable drive back to Darby. I won't say I was exactly sober, but who is in Montana? Drinking and driving is pretty much expected. There are no cops, so its pretty much at your own risk. People have asked me before if it is true that Montana has no speed limit. Well, no. That is not true. The speed limit on all the highways is 75, but there are barely any police. So if you wanted to, yeah, you could drive 100mph or faster. I would not advise it however, due to the poor road quality in Montana.