Jackson Hole Retirement Village

Beer…maybe the world’s most perfect beverage. Refreshing, tasty, and alcoholic. When I have it in a glass, I find it hard not to quaff it down as fast as I can. Its like it has a spell on me…I’m staring at it right now and getting lost in it’s beautiful bubbly yellow haze…it’s almost hypnotic…yeah…I’m gonna suck that beer down right now! No!! Wait! It’s better to enjoy slowly and in moderation, right? To drink it with quiet class and sophistication? Enjoying every sip? Too late, its already gone.

Now on to what I was really going to write about. During the summer, Jackson Hole is invaded by tourists and seasonal home owners (a.k.a. rich old people). I know that I wrote about this subject 2 years ago when I was here during the summer, but maybe you forgot, like I did, how painful the summers are here. As a full-time Jackson resident, it is my job to welcome the summer influx of humanity with a smile and a readiness to take their money. The summer season is the most lucrative for pretty much every business in town except the ski resort. So, when hordes of tourists come knocking for food, beds, and endless activities, the local businesses give them what they want at an only slightly inflated price than normal.

I get somewhat of an insiders look at how the seasonal elderly population enjoys their free time since I live in a neighborhood surrounded by them. I live in a well-to-do old couple’s guest house in the middle of a rich peoples’ neighborhood. I don’t think the people around here like me too much. When I’m driving home it is not unusual for me to receive blank and questioning stares from the neighbors. “Who is that guy? And what the fuck is he doing in our neighborhood?!” You see, old rich people enjoy younger people when they are getting them something to drink, or helping them up the stairs, or mowing their lawn. But if you are invading what they consider to be their safe-haven from young people, in this case, an upscale Jackson Hole subdivision next to a golf course, they don’t like it at all. If I was like, 10 years old they wouldn’t care; little kids are fine for the neighborhood, probably the neighbor’s grandkids. But I’m 26 and I have long hair and drive a dirty car while playing loud music at all hours of the night. Pretty much everything old people don’t like about young people.

I remember driving home in the early evening from work and waving at some people, who I assumed were neighbors, who were out walking their dog enjoying the sunset. As soon as they saw my car heading their direction they grabbed their dog to keep it from getting hit. Not that I was going to hit the dog or was I driving that fast, but to an old man who wants this to be his retirement neighborhood, I’m sure I was going way too fast. I smiled and waved while passing them and they just stared at me. Not necessarily angry stares, just stares of disappointment. Disappointment that all of their money still couldn’t keep young people like me out away from them when they finally decided to retire to an exclusive Jackson Hole neighborhood. They hate me. And really my only crime is being young.

Now that I’m here I guess they will have to get used to the idea that a young guy might be blaring music from his small guest house while they go for a morning bike ride, or that I might be lifting weights in my boxers in my frontyard, or that they have to watch out for a dirty Ford Taurus tearing down their road at 10p.m. I’m sad to say I might be ruining their perfect retirement. The good part is that come winter, they all migrate back to Florida. I appreciate their money, but they don’t really belong here. If you can’t handle a real winter somewhere, why bother showing up for the summer? Oh yeah, that’s right…they’re rich and they get to do whatever they want. Oh well. At least I get to take a small pleasure in the fact that my being young gives them something to grumble about every morning.