Bum Blog

I'm bored so I'm gonna write about bums.

Have you ever looked at a bum and thought, that dude right there, he's got it all figured out. Of course not. Who envies the life of a bum? Uhhh...me. And why not? Bums don't have jobs, they don't have responsibilities, they don't have money. All the things that bring people horrible troubles in life. Bums got it made. That's one thing I miss about living in a city is the bums. They provide hours of entertainment. If your bored you can just lean out your window and start up a conversation with the guy going through your trash. Just ask him how things are going, and just sit back and listen. He'll have a whole list of crazy things to say. Bums don't give a fuck. They say what's on their mind. Even if it makes no sense at all.

"How'm I doin'? I tell you what, I'm just tryin' to survive out here, y'know. Goin' through this trash and all, y'know. I wasn't always like 'dis. No sir. I used to be an astronaut. Hell yeah, an astronaut! I almost went to space, too. 'Cept right befo' I was s'possed tuh go, I got fuckin' stabbed. Fuck yeah, I got stabbed by one o' dem space monkeys. You know dem? The ones dat they send to space to get smart? Yeah, well dis one, he didn't like me, 'cause I'm black, and one day just up and stabbed me. A motha fuckin' racist space monkey stabbed my ass 'cause I'm black! I tell ya it ain't easy for a black man in dis world, man. I never did get to go to space. I tell you what though, I ever see that fuckin' monkey again, I'ma kill that motha fucka!"

Something like that. How fun would that be? Just go around makin' up stories, looking through trash, collecting aluminum cans and other shiny objects. And if anyone gives you shit, you just go off on them in a crazy bum tantrum. Start screaming obscenities and psychotic threats. Stuff that will scare the shit out of a regular person and make them think twice about speaking up to a bum. You at least gotta respect the bums. If you fuck with 'em too much you'll end up with a pile of human feces on your front porch. What better way to get back at some uppity homeowner who tells you to stay out of his trash than to shit on his porch.