Warm Beer, Please!

I work at a liquor store and you wouldn't think that I would be dealing with a majority of older people, but this is the reality in Jackson Hole, where the old and very rich run the place with their millions of dollars. Anyways, a common question I am asked by old men is, "Do you have any warm beer?" Just so you know, our store has no warm beer, it is all in the walk-in cooler. Old people who live in RVs like to buy warm beer because they believe that beer is as expire-able as milk. In case you don't know, this is not true. If you buy cold beer, let it sit at room temperature for 2 days, and then put it back in the fridge, it will taste the exact same.

Old people must think that there is two different trucks who deliver beer to stores. A cold beer truck and a warm beer truck. That is retarded. Anyone who drinks beer, should have found out early on that if you leave an unopened beer out overnight, that it is still good. Especially for the type of beer that most people buy. Bud Light, Coors Light, PBR. That shit doesn't go bad.

I think I am gonna do an experiment and let a beer cook in my car for four days and then taste test it against a refrigerated beer. The brand will be something cheap and I bet besides the temperature difference, it will not be that bad.

You are probably reading this and thinking, that is retarded, of course it will be bad. We'll see.

Anyways, so I says to the guy, I says..."No Fuckass, we keep all of our beer cold, the way it is supposed to be! Normal people don't buy warm beer, dick!"


I was gonna end this post here, but while I am on the subject of old people, I have something else to say. Old rich people think that they can say whatever they want. They seriously need someone to rock their world now and again to keep them in line. They are too used to everyone sucking up to them and waiting on them hand and foot. I was riding my bike down the street with my girlfriend the other day to a golf course bar and some old people were driving super slow right behind us, afraid to pass us because of their unsure old people driving skills. So, we get to the bar/restaurant and the lady from the car walks up behind us and feels she has to say something...in a thick German accent. "Why do you risk your lives riding your bikes in the street? There is a bike path, why don't you use it?"

Whoa...okay lady. First of all, people ride their bikes in the street all the time. Bikes have as much right to the road as any car. And second, how is it risking my life? I was on a 15 mph golf course road. I hope your feeble old husband has enough driving skill left to not kill people on bikes while he's idling his Jaguar down the street.

Of course, I said none of these things and just told the lady, okay, next time we will use the bike path. What I should have done, was teach that lady a lesson that you don't say shit like that to a young person who you don't know and isn't working for you. I should have slapped her right across her old lady face and told her, "NO! You don't talk to me!"

AHAHAHA!

Fear not, old people. My bark is worse than my bite.

World Cup: Amazing Goals, Blind Refs, and Amusing Stereotypes

Today at work I accidentally claimed to be a racist. How do you do such a thing accidentally? Well, I said that I thought Germany would win their World Cup game tomorrow against Spain, and I was trying to insinuate that I picked my favorite teams based on their national stereotypes, but I chose my words poorly. It ended up sounding more like, "I want the Germans to win based on my background of bigotry and hatred of other races."

This is not exactly what I said and I was not being serious, but I have a habit of delivering such "jokes" so dryly and directly that people think I am being completely serious. Whatever.

Anyways, the World Cup gives us a chance to see soccer players from around the world come together and compete to be the greatest footballing nation for the next four years. It is marketed as a meeting of different cultures from around the world to unite for the love of soccer. This is true, but the part I think I enjoy most about the World Cup is just seeing how different countries play the same game.

The differences in each countries tactics and style in soccer seems to me to be almost comically in line with national stereotypes for each country.

For instance, the Asian teams are all dwarfed in size on the field by the other nations. The South American teams all look and play like they have the "Latin temperament" and would just as soon stab you as shake your hand. The Europeans have problems staying on their feet and crying on the field after a seemingly "hard" foul.

Despite the unity that a world class sporting event is supposed to nurture, I feel that most of the players have a hard time looking past these national stereotypes themselves. Sure, they will all say that they just look at it as another game, but really they can't help but thinking that, "Here we go again, with those bloody Italians." or "These Germans are efficient, but they are pricks!" And of course, "U.S.A.? Ppfffff...they suck."

I did enjoy rooting for the U.S.A., but in the end I have a hard time feeling that they really had a successful tournament. They only won one game, managed to come from behind to tie two and then lost in the Round of 16. I'd say they were lucky to even make it to the Round of 16. England pretty much completely sucked this year, Slovenia choked and let the U.S. come back, and Algeria just isn't that good. To have to come from behind to tie is not really that good in terms of sports. Sure, its better than a loss, but your team doesn't get its shit together until they have their backs against the wall. That is no way to win the World Cup.

Every time I watch the World Cup I am reminded of why this sport is not popular in the United States. Mostly because nearly every game seems to be decided by a well timed dive, a horrible call by the referee, or some other sneaky underhand tactic. In soccer if you can get away with it, then it is all legal. The seemingly questionable fairness of some games, leaves you with the question of "Did the better team really win?" In America, we use Instant Replay, so that we don't have to ask these questions. "Was that really a goal?" Of course it was, we all saw it on Instant Replay and the referee did too, which means that they really are a better team.

To have so many bad calls and discrepancies is bad for any game. "Didn't they just score a goal?" Yes, but the referee was looking at his socks and didn't see it go in, so it didn't count. FIFA needs to get their shit together. To have a world sporting event that is dictated by bad calls and diving, right now I am wondering why I even watch it.

Well, that is my take on the World Cup 2010. Only a couple games left and then we will see who is the greatest footballing nation for the next four years.