A Bum Abroad: Reflections on My Trip to Germany

I have just returned from a two and a half week long journey across Germany and I figured I should write up some kind of mental reflection on this trip. So here it is.



First stop, my arrival in Frankfurt am Main. After finally figuring out how to get from the airport (Flughafen in German), to the actual city of Frankfurt, I began wandering about the city without having the slightest idea of where I was going. My most vivid memories of the city were the drugged out wackos who hung out right outside the Hauptbahnhof (train station) and the many German sex stores. This was my first exposure to Germany and I was wondering what the fuck kind of place is this? Luckily Frankfurt is just a shitty city and the rest of Germany was nothing like that. After spending the night there, I discovered through an email that my travel partner, lets just call him, uh... let's see, Figsy! Figsy had arrived in Germany a day earlier than expected and that he was waiting for me at the McDonalds at the airport. So I had to go find his ass at the airport where he had spent nearly 24 hours sitting at the McDonalds. Why? I have no idea. But at least I found him. So Figsy and I got the fuck out of Frankfurt and ended up in Heidelberg.



I knew nothing about Heidelberg before going there, but it actually ended up being pretty cool. Figsy and I spent the next day wandering around the city and then getting drunk off some authentic liters of German beer. This led to a physical altercation later that night between us, during which somehow Figsy managed to choke me out momentarily unconscious. He got lucky.



From there it was on to a few other cities, Stuttgart, Ulm, Berchtesgaden, Salzburg. Then to Munich for Oktoberfest. If you have never been, Oktoberfest is a huge beer carnival. There are a bunch of carnival rides, food and of course the beer tents. These things are so huge you would think getting a seat in one would be no problem, well you're wrong its pretty hard. Luckily there is additional seating outdoors, which was fine for us since we just wanted to get drunk. The Oktoberfest beer is not like any in the States. They sell Oktoberfest style beer in the U.S., but it is nothing like the real thing. Real Oktoberfest beer appears lighter than you would expect, but is one of the heaviest beers I've ever had. The first liter always goes down fine, but after that it is almost a chore. It was okay though since the beer was so strong after like 3 liters you get pretty tipsy. So again we got plastered and again Figsy and I got into a fight. This was pretty much a theme for our entire trip. Our accommodations at Oktoberfest were less than shitty. They were tents we rented that were set up at an old equestrian stadium and it rained every night. So we would wake up, completely hung over and filthy, and walk out into the rain and feel even shittier. But overall I would definitely go again.

After Oktoberfest, Figsy and I traveled to Prague in the Czech Republic. I had only seen pictures of this place and had pretty high expectations. I thought it would be a super clean, regal city giving a glimpse into Europe's past. It ended up, there are parts of Prague that are pretty nice, but the overall city gives a feeling of post-communist gloom. Lots of old run down buildings, graffiti, and shady looking Czechs. I felt like every other person there was trying to pick my pocket. After I got used to it though, it wasn't so bad. I'd actually like to go back since I only got to spend a day there.

From there it was on to Berlin, where East meets West, and history is right around every corner. Berlin too, was not what I expected, very spread out, and lots of old communist stuff. It was definitely an interesting place to visit. Lots of Turks, too. Turks are the main minority in Berlin and probably all of Germany, they are shady looking dudes. Big moustaches, dark beady eyes, and constantly smoking Turkish cigarettes. Just walking around I was pretty sure most of them were into some illegal arms deals or perhaps drug trafficking. They sold good food though. Yeah, so, Figsy and I wandered around the city, got drunk a few more times, and got into a few more fights. One of which nearly ended with his death at my hands. Then Figsy left to go home and I lingered a few more days in Berlin, mostly wandering around like a lost tourist. Whenever anyone said anything to me in German, I just yelled, "Ja Wohl, mein herr!" and ran away.

So all in all it was a fun trip. This is just a rough summary of what we did, since I'm sure you would not want to read about everything we did, just as I would not want to write it. So thanks for reading and I hope your attention span is not as short as mine, since I forget what I'm even writing about. . . Fuck it. Back to beer and TV.