Breakfast? We talkin' 'bout breakfast!?

"How'd you wake up this early?" This is what some old man asked me at 6:45 a.m. in the restaurant where I work one morning. Being still half asleep, the question didn't really register at the moment, so I just stared at him. "Uh...an alarm clock," I told him. I don't think he wanted a literal answer, but too bad for him. I don't entertain stupid questions before 9 a.m. Before that time, I just shoot them down with stupid answers. Some other examples would be, "So, how's the weather going to be today?" How the fuck should I know? You think I watch/read the news? "Clouds should burn off by noon," is my generic reply. "Is this coffee hot?" My answer: "Hot enough to scald your ass, ma'am." Another thing is that I am supposed to remember people's names, since I see them every morning. I never remember any one's name, 'cause I don't care. Instead its something like, "Hello sir, and the rest of you. Good morning!" Using a guest's name is supposed to be our corporate standard. Fuck that. Who checks that shit? They all look alike to me. Either an old couple, or a younger family. Those are the only people that come to the hotel. Mostly old people. Man, they suck. Today some old lady asked me to have her salad chopped extra fine so it would be easier to eat. "How 'bout I just have them mash it into a paste for you to eat through a straw, lady?" My solution to all this aggravation? Drinking. I love it.